Choosing funeral songs for your nan

Nans have a way of being in the background of everything. The biscuit tin that was always full. The phone call every Sunday. The way she remembered your friends' names long after you had forgotten them yourself. So when it comes to choosing a song for her funeral, it can feel strange trying to hold all of that in three or four minutes.

We often find it helps to stop thinking about what a funeral song is supposed to sound like, and start thinking about her. What did she hum while she was washing up? What was on the radio in her kitchen? Was there a record she put on every Christmas, or a song she always got up to dance to at family parties, whatever anyone said?

For a lot of nans, the answer sits somewhere in the music of their youth. "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn still means a great deal to many families, especially where a nan grew up hearing it. "Que Sera, Sera" by Doris Day suits someone who met life with a shrug and a cup of tea. "Over the Rainbow" by Judy Garland and "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong are gentle choices that tend to sit well with every generation in the room.

Sometimes the song comes from the grandchildren instead. Ed Sheeran wrote "Supermarket Flowers" about his own grandmother, and it has become a quiet favourite for families where the younger ones want to say something of their own.

It is worth asking around before you decide. Your mum or dad may remember a song from their childhood that you have never heard of. An aunty might know which record was played at your nan's wedding. A cousin might remember what she sang along to in the car. Those small conversations can turn up something far more fitting than any list, and they can be a comfort in themselves, a chance to share stories in the days before the service.

Try not to worry too much about whether a song counts as proper funeral music. If she loved something cheeky or upbeat, there is nothing wrong with letting it play as people leave. Many families choose one reflective song and one that feels more like her, so the room gets a chance to smile as well as cry.

If you would like more ideas, our guide to funeral songs has a wider list to look through.

And if nothing you hear quite feels like her, that is alright too. Sometimes the right song simply has not been written yet. When that happens, we write one about her, built from the memories your family shares with us. You can read how it works whenever you feel ready.